Stop the Mommy Wars

It’s the comparison that makes us proud.

My kids do this all the time. I tell my youngest little girl when she does something funny or smart, “Oh, you’re so smart.” If my older girl is in ear shot she snaps her head in my direction and asks, “Am I smart, Mommy?” And I say, “Of course you’re smart sweetie. Just because I’m telling Abby she’s smart doesn’t mean I don’t think you are too.”

This just must be human nature. Whenever I see an article on Facebook claiming a fact like most babies who are born vaginally have a better immune system because they are introduced to vaginal bacteria that helps them later in life, I  read comments that say something like “Why are you demonizing me because I had a C-section?” The article didn’t even come close to demonizing anyone for anything, but we just take it that way.

Doesn’t that seam wrong?

I mean as soon as a mother says, I had a completely natural birth, the next mother is saying, you must be some big hero and think I’m not woman enough because I had an epidural.

So how can we stop these mommy wars? We wage them on Facebook and we wage them in our own hearts because we feel like we might not be adequate. I’ll tell you right now that no matter how your baby got into the world, or how you feed them, that if you are taking care of them, you are more than enough.

The comparison makes us proud. Automatically we are comparing ourselves to other mothers. A lot of the reason for this is human nature, we want to make sure we’re doing it right. But when we start to think that our way is the only way or think that other women are looking down on us, even if they aren’t, we start to dig our own grave of either contempt for others or self-contemp. Both are pride and both are hurtful and wrong.

How are we supposed to hold a meaningful conversation and learn from other mothers if we are constantly comparing ourselves and wondering what the other must think of us because we didn’t choose the same thing they did. We go crazy and it’s on full display in the comment section on any article that makes a stance one way or the other.

There are facts that certain things are better for baby, but in the long run even if we don’t choose those things, we will have a healthy well-adjusted kids. So who cares?

The mom wars will end if each individual woman has to make the decision in their heart to not be offended and to stop comparing themselves. Because believe it or not, you rock at this mom thing and I do too and we probably made a lot of different choices along the way.


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