Six Marriage Mistakes That You May Be Making
You fall in love, get married and everything else is cake, right? Wrong. I think one of the biggest mistakes we make when we get married is to spend way more time planning a wedding than really thinking about how to make our marriages last a lifetime. By the way, most of us plan and want to spend the rest of our lives with the man we marry in our youth, but the sad fact is that only four out of ten couples actually last.
There may be several mistakes you are making that are setting you and your spouse up for failure, and they may not be as obvious as you think.
1. You expect that “In Love” feeling to last forever.
The longest anyone can expect that in love, passionate, keep-you-up-at-night feeling to last is four years. And that’s a high estimate. Most of the time it goes away pretty fast. But that’s not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. Can you imagine you and your spouse ten years down the road not being able to concentrate and do real life because you are still so enamored with each other? I can’t.
I think that crazy in love feeling is what gets us in the front door. It’s the deeper type of love that builds trust and intimate friendship that will last a life time.
2. You really only made a commitment to be happy.
Many couples make the mistake that their happiness is all that matters in a committed relationship, and if husband or wife isn’t keeping their end of the deal then the divorce attorney is already on speed dial for the smallest infraction.
But a deep friendship kind of love is impossible to build with those kinds of expectations. He or she can’t keep you happy, and your soul mate, if that exists, couldn’t keep you happy no matter how hard they tried. There are going to be times in your relationship when it’s hard, but those are the times where you grow your roots and when the storm is over you are stronger.
3. The grass is greener on the other side.
No, this is not true and never will be. You aren’t in high school anymore and scoping the playing field should be the furthest thing from your mind. If you want your marriage to last a lifetime don’t make the mistake of even thinking about what it would be like with so and so. You aren’t with them and will probably never be so keep your mind free of the cobwebs that could entangle you and take your eyes off of the prize, a healthy marriage that lasts.
4. Focusing on the little things that bother you.
He left the toilet seat up, he didn’t pick up the clothes on the floor, he said he didn’t like that dress on me, he didn’t pay attention when I was trying to tell him something important. All of the little things can be dealt with really simply. Tell him your expectations. Let him know what bothers you so five months down the road you’re not yelling at him for something really insignificant. No, you aren’t his maid, but you are his helper and he’s yours. Help him and tell him where you need help. Sometimes as women we are caretakers naturally so we see when things need to be done. Men aren’t like that and they just need help knowing what they need to do to help.
5. Talking down about him.
You might be having issues at home, but the best thing to do is to keep that crap out of the sewing circle, or Facebook. If you talk about your spouse to other people tell them the good things. If you are negative and vocalize it to others it will only bread more negativity. Most friends aren’t going to take you man’s side, they’re going to tell you what a rotten SOB he is and that you need to do x, y and z.
Also the words you say to your spouse have the power to strengthen or weaken your marriage. When he does something good, let him know. Tell him how much you appreciate when he cleans off his dinner dishes or helps you out with your car. Doing this on a regular basis will change the dynamics of your marriage.
6. Telling him no, more than yes
Now this is kind of a touchy subject, but really don’t turn him down too much. That physical part of marriage is really important. I’m not saying that if he isn’t getting it from you then he might look elsewhere, come on, he’s your husband and you have to trust that he’s not a cheater or you’ll go crazy. It’s proven that men open up emotionally after sex, and sometimes that’s all we want is to connect with our guy on an emotional level.
A really great series to watch is called Indestructible Marriage. It is really an eye opener and has great advice for all marriages. And free to watch on YouTube.
If you can think of other marriage mistakes people are making comment below and join the conversation.