Why Bickering is Slowly Chipping away at Your Marriage
What is bickering? The dictionary says it is arguing about petty and trivial matters.
When we bicker we often don’t realize what we are actually doing. To some it may seem small and a normal part of everyday marriage, but I’m here to say, it’s absolutely not normal. Bickering is like a baby rattle snake. It might seem small and fairly innocent, but get close enough and it’s even more poisonous than a full grown snake.
A few years back I was riding up to an event with some friends. They were a married couple and it was nice for the first few hours. The wife and I talked about this and that, but once we got into town the couple started bickering over the directions. It surprised me because my husband and I don’t bicker; it’s just not something we struggle with very often. So, me being an analyzer I tried to understand the situation. It mostly just made me sad because after about ten minutes of this the husband seemed dejected and his body language was slumped, like he was defeated.
The first thing we need to realize when we are about to bicker is the underlining message we are sending to our spouse. It’s this: I don’t trust you.
I know you may not realize it, but bickering will destroy your husbands, or wife’s confidence. We need to realize that marriage is for the long haul. If we are constantly questioning everything our spouse does then we are not only chipping away at his confidence but we are chipping away at the foundation of our marriage. His strength comes from our confidence in him.
Build your husband up. Don’t puff up, but find the real achievements and talk about them. Talk about feeling safe with him, talk about how you can count on him. And that trust will give him an amazing opportunity to show more love to you. Because if you’re constantly pointing out everything that’s wrong then it’s harder for him to want to make an effort because he probably feels like he’s just going to mess up anyway. But if you choose to focus on the good, then he’s free to be himself, the man you married.
Not all marriages start out with a foundation of trust. Many have to learn it over time, and sadly many marriages may never have had it to begin with. But if you want to strengthen your marriage let the little things go. Trust that he is looking out for your best interest. And if he does something that irks you, instead of saying something, make a point to point out something positive that he did instead.